Privilege

As I wait for the email next week that will tell me my fate in the match, I have been reflecting on what it means to be a doctor. Even if I don't match into a residency spot in the US, I will (hopefully) have a great career ahead of me in Sweden. In the middle of my night shift last night, I found myself suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling of privilege. It is a great privilege to take care of people. To see them when they're at their most vulnerable. To try to figure out what's wrong with them when they suddenly get sick. To lay a hand on their arm and tell them you are doing everything you can. To help someone not suffer during their final hours. To then lay a hand on a family member's arm and tell them you did everything you could. I did all of those things, and more, in one single shift. It is truly a great privilege, and I know I am very fortunate to be able to do what I do.

Well, that didn't work :(

On Monday, I got AF (at 10 dpIUI, WTF?!). I have never ever in my 3.5 years of charting had an LP shorter than 13 days so I was really shocked and annoyed. I wasn't really expecting the IUI to work, but I certainly wasn't expecting to get AF so early. The doctor I talked to at the clinic was just like yeah, this can happen. No one seems concerned so I'm trying to just let it go.

The good news is, I had a baseline CD2 ultrasound on Tuesday and we got the green light for IVF! The plan is:
- Gonal F 150IU every night
- Add Orgalutran starting on CD6
- .....ultrasounds, possible dose adjustments....
- Trigger
- ER 36 hours after trigger
- ET 2-5 days later
- Lutinus (progesterone) supps 3x/day

It's a little daunting because there are 3 types of shots, 2 of which have to be refrigerated which is complicated because I'm on nights right now and have to schlep my stuff back and forth to work, but whatever. It's on like Donkey Kong. Let's do this! Please please let this work.

CD 23: IUI #1, 2WW

Well, the IUI on Friday went well. I triggered with Ovitrelle on Wednesday at 9:30pm, and did the IUI on Friday at 1:30pm. Mr. E did his sample earlier that morning, which they said was great (100 million sperm! How can we have that much and never manage to get pregnant?!) The IUI wasn't fun, not gonna lie, but it wasn't too bad. Felt like when I had my SHGs, a pelvic exam with a catheter through my cervix. Not pleasant but it was over quickly. And afterwards, my husband, ever the comedian, said, "So, was it good for you?" Ha.

.....And now we wait. Not only to find out if I'll get pregnant, but the week after that 2WW is over, I will find out whether or not I matched into a residency spot in the US. I'm going to write more about that whole process later, but it's been very overwhelming to say the least. Needless to say, March could be the best month ever in the E household. So we will be doing everything we can to bring us good luck, using the American and Swedish customs: Crossing our fingers and holding our thumbs.

And we are a go for IUI #1!

Today, my follicle measured 14.6mm which to me didn't seem that good but the doctor reassured me that it was fine. She said 1-2mm/day of growth is normal, and I guess this is close to 1mm/day but not quite, which has me worried! I'm trying to trust them though. Now the plan is Gonal-F for 2 more days, trigger on Wednesday, and IUI on Friday!

CD 14

I had an ultrasound today, which showed a dominant follicle on my left ovary measuring 11.9cm. They want me to do 3 more injections, and come for another ultrasound Monday morning. Hopefully we will do the IUI next week! Honestly, I don't have much hope for this cycle. But I have to admit that when I saw the follicle on the screen, I wondered if maybe, just maybe, that could be our baby?

CD 10

Today I had my first monitoring ultrasound. It seems like not much has happened yet, after 5 days of 37.5IU Gonal-F. After a fair amount of googling, seems like my dose is really low, but I guess that's what they start people on. I trust my doctor but I want to get this party started! My next ultrasound will be Friday, hopefully things will have progressed by then! I usually ovulate around CD 14 so I feel like it's weird that I would ovulate later than that on a medicated cycle, but the doctor who did my ultrasound today told me that you can ovulate earlier, the same, or later compared to your normal time when you're on these meds. Now, time for injection #6!

Taking it to the next level with Gonal-F and IUI

I haven't posted much because there just hasn't been much to say. But today we started our first medicated cycle! So now there IS something to say.

I've been in the US for the past 3-ish months, for residency interviews, and I will hopefully start residency this summer. Which means Mr. E and I will only be together in Sweden for another few months. We made an RE appointment for as soon as I got back to see if there was anything we could do - a Hail Mary, if you will - before I/we move to the US. It's been 10 months since my last miscarriage, and I haven't gotten pregnant.

The appointment went better than expected, and our RE basically told us IVF was the best option. However, I am on CD5 and that was too late to start IVF. The other option, a medicated cycle with IUI, could be started as late as CD5. We were on board immediately. I will be doing 37.5 IU Gonal-F for 5 days, after which I will have an ultrasound to see how things are progressing. When it's time, I'll trigger with Ovitrelle, and we will do the IUI.

I did my first injection of the Gonal-F tonight. Mr. E was freaked out by the prospect of me injecting myself, but it wasn't a big deal.

If this doesn't work, we will likely (although we haven't decided for sure yet) do IVF next cycle.  We are at a private clinic that will do IVF without having to wait. The downside is it will cost money (about $4500), but we are prepared to spend that, and more, to give us a chance at having a baby.

These are huge steps, but honestly, we have been thinking about it for a long time. After 3.5 years of trying, we are ready to take things to the next level.