3 years ago today, we started TTC. It was an exciting time, and I got pregnant only 5 months later. The day I found out I was pregnant the first time was the happiest day of my life. Since then, I've faced the hardest 3 years of my life. I can't believe it's been 3 years, and nothing. People who got pregnant when I did have had their second babies by now. And we are still here with empty hands and empty hearts.
Tomorrow, I turn 30. To say it's hitting me hard would be an understatement. I always, always thought I'd have at least one kid by the time I was 30. I got married at 22, started TTC at 27, so I never thought I would be where I am today without even much hope for a baby.
I hung out with two friends of mine from work the other day, and one of them had heard it was my birthday next week, and I said I was kind of bummed about it. She is 25, never been kissed, and really wants a relationship. She said she didn't understand why I was upset because I haveeverything!! A husband, done with medical school. What more could I want? Little does she know...
I felt really selfish at that moment. I AM very grateful for what I have, and I should focus on that more. My goal for this year is going to be to be more appreciative of what I have, and to try not to let my heartache over my childlessness consume me.
I have a wonderful husband. We have a good life and lifestyle. We get to travel all over the world. Although I never wanted us to be DINKs, we are, and that means we can afford some nicer things. I am applying to residency, which, although it is extremely stressful, is also exciting (provided I get at least one interview!). We will hopefully be moving back to the US next year, if I get a residency spot. So it's an exciting time, and I'm going to try to ride the wave and be more positive.
Tomorrow, I turn 30. To say it's hitting me hard would be an understatement. I always, always thought I'd have at least one kid by the time I was 30. I got married at 22, started TTC at 27, so I never thought I would be where I am today without even much hope for a baby.
I hung out with two friends of mine from work the other day, and one of them had heard it was my birthday next week, and I said I was kind of bummed about it. She is 25, never been kissed, and really wants a relationship. She said she didn't understand why I was upset because I haveeverything!! A husband, done with medical school. What more could I want? Little does she know...
I felt really selfish at that moment. I AM very grateful for what I have, and I should focus on that more. My goal for this year is going to be to be more appreciative of what I have, and to try not to let my heartache over my childlessness consume me.
I have a wonderful husband. We have a good life and lifestyle. We get to travel all over the world. Although I never wanted us to be DINKs, we are, and that means we can afford some nicer things. I am applying to residency, which, although it is extremely stressful, is also exciting (provided I get at least one interview!). We will hopefully be moving back to the US next year, if I get a residency spot. So it's an exciting time, and I'm going to try to ride the wave and be more positive.
